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Sunday, 16 March 2014

Happy St Patrick's Day

BlackBerry celebrate St Patrick's Day by launching a radical new slider design.

They said innovation was at BlackBerry was dead.  Over the last few months we have seen more innovation coming from BlackBerry than we have seen for years. First we get the amazing Q and Z series OS10 phones and then the planned launched of the Foxconn built devices. 

Now the icing on the cake has arrived in the shape of surprise announcement from BlackBerry.  They have specially designed a ground breaking slider device with a bespoke St Patrick's Day theme.  At an exclusive interview in dream valley we spoke with BlackBerry's new CEO (Chief Entertainment Officer) Jay Cee. He said "The new phone code named, the "Paddy slider", will tap into two distinct markets, the first market is the Irish market within the USA which numbers 56,000,000 and the second market is the users who have been screaming for a BB10 slider device and these number 41,700. We therefore expect to sell 56,041,700 devices in a week with a further 200 units sold in Ireland itself"  Mr JC went on to say that "tapping into Paddy's Day, the most popular holiday in the known world is merely an extension of the Z3 project where a phone was specifically designed for Indonesia." He went on to say he expects that an alcohol fuelled buying spree of everything with a shamrock on it will drive sales through the roof.

The Paddy Slider is a slide and twist design and will have two versions, one for men and another designed specifically for woman, it will also feature a revolutionary iPhone Siri type interface called Keri.  When you press the Keri button on the female version Colin Farrell will appear and say "whaddya want" you then verbally tell Colin to text, BBM, email or open an app for you.  In early tests the phone responded to all commands with "feck off" but this appears to have been rectified. When Colin Farrell was asked how he felt about being the new face of BlackBerry he responded "I wasn't asked, now feck off".

The male designed phone has the delightful Irish actress Dominique McElligott in the portrait mode but then bizarrely changes to a half dressed Irish tart when the phone is changed to landscape mode.  A special feature of the Male phone is that when the phone is shaken vigorously in an up and down motion the tarts clothes fall off.  BB have stated this is a design flaw that will be rectified within three or four years.  When asked why the Colin Farrell phone didn't have the same flaw BB answered by saying that everyone knew what Colin looked liked naked so there was no point in having his clothes drop off. When Dominique was asked how she felt about being the new face of BlackBerry she looked confused and walked away.






                           



Click to hear the Bespoke ring tone for the paddy slider




With this brilliant new strategy to regain world dominance in Phone sales we are sure to see further bespoke designs.  We know for a fact that there is a Star Trek BlackBerry in the works.  This device is code named the BlackBerry Communicator and will be launched on star-date 23156
BlackBerry Communicator


Notes:  

  1. This post is a joke
  2. Feck is not a swear word unless you are in priest college
  3. This post is a joke